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THE NO OLDTIMERS 2022 ROUND-UP
I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA DIG THIS
God’s coming; she’s just taking her time. The next full-blown edition of No Oldtimers is stewing in the pot as we speak. For now, I’ll leave you with this: THE NO OLDTIMERS 2022 ROUND-UP. I know, I know—real original—you’ve already read a million of these things, but I am nothing if not a sponge for the ideas of others. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be so damn good at this shit! I consumed an outrageous amount of stuff in 2022, and it’d be selfish of me not to share a little bit of it with my ravenous, inconsolable fans.
THE NO OLDTIMERS 2022 ROUND-UP
It works like this: I hit you with several bite-sized lists of my favorite songs, albums, and EPs (maybe even a few surprises!), and you read it. Simple as! It’s a monster.
SHOUT OUT MY BIG SISTER! She introduced me to the heavy music game, so without her influence, I am nothing! The only difference is that she’s classy. She’s with the church-burning, nocturnal, more…academic wings of heavy music. And I certainly fuck with them as well, but I’m different. When I’m not listening to Townes Van Zandt or Detroit rap, I’m listening to knuckledragger hardcore. Seriously boneheaded shit. When I’m driving to my job at which I put children between the ages of 12 to 18 on game, I’m listening to the kind of music that makes me look like I keep a handgun with the serials scratched underneath the passenger seat of my Subaru. (Full disclosure: that’s not the real me.) When I’m hitting the indoor bicycle trainer with everything I’ve got, I’m listening to music that makes me feel like I’m hitting an actual bicycle trainer with everything I’ve got. With a bike chain. Regardless, I’m a nice guy, but hardcore helps me make sure that no pent-up aggression seeps into my personality. This was the music that helped me make sure last year.
Looters in Paradise by Clique
Absolute masterclass in aggression and poignancy. If you listen to any hardcore release, make sure that it’s this one. Best hardcore release of the year.
“The Will to Dream” by Life’s Question
Chicago’s Life’s Question are the most original hardcore band in the entire scene, deftly combining psychedelia with muscular, fast hardcore without leaning corny, and their album World Full Of… is one of the best of the year in any genre.
“Fake Blood” by Sunami
For a bunch of so-called gimmicky, pseudo-tough guys, Sunami certainly doesn’t sound like they’re fucking around anymore. This song is a serious level-up and sets the tone for the entire RBS scene.
Note: A straightedge individual from Instagram decided to put me on game and tell me that “Fake Blood” is a cover of Animosity’s 2003 song of the same name. I knew this, and, more importantly, I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. This information changes nothing. Sunami’s version is a beast of its own breed.
“Yours Truly” by Guardrails
A song that I can both beat ass to and cry to? About damn time.
“25-8” by Gridiron
This shit is for the rabble rousers, the boogeymen, the schoolgirls, the choir boys, and all their siblings, parents, and grandparents. Everyone can get down to Gridiron, the hardcore-rap fusion side project from the members of Never Ending Game and Year of the Knife.
Doomsday by Warfare
Fast hardcore is back! And it’s all thanks to Call of Duty: Warzone. Shouts to Triple B Records BOWSE Sam Yarmuth for having the guts to front the band and force the legendary Justice Tripp to play guitar. Mr. Yarmuth shows out, as well.
“A World Beyond” by A Mourning Star
This shit is barely hardcore, but it definitely carries itself as such. Whatever that means.
5 Tracks by Strange Joy
Midwest emo meets SoCal hardcore from Texas? Shit rules.
“Rotten Kingdom” by Age of Apocalypse
Operatic hardcore for men who read!
New Lords by Mindforce
This HARDCORE RECORD found itself on the BILLBOARD charts! Fuck Turnstile—Mindforce is the new harbinger of hardcore!
BONUS: Soul Violence by Suffer No Fool
Houghton, Michigan—those crazy sons of bitches—have found themselves an up-and-coming hardcore band in Suffer No Fool, and they’re tight! Hopefully they can escape the Upper Peninsula and play some shows down in Detroit.
For the Ladies
This goes out to the five women that faithfully read each and every stack:
You are loved. You are appreciated. You are strong. You handled the gag about Orville Peck being music for the girls, gays, and theys exceptionally well. These selections are for you.
Gentlemen, please skip to the next section.
Cherry by Daphni
This shit is so fun and cute! Required listening for everyone, but especially the ladies who aren’t afraid to get down.
Fuccboi by Sean Thor Conroe & The Novelist: A Novel by Jordan Castro
Do these books suck? Yes. Are these books required reading? Also yes. Essentially, Fuccboi and The Novelist are dude books for guys, and every woman needs to read both to get a deeper understanding of the male psyche. The books are prime examples of what happens when us men are given too long a leash and start moving unchecked. Between them, there are enough ruminations on bedside competency and shit jokes for a lifetime.
“anotherlife” by Nilüfer Yanya
I love this song, and somehow, I know that you will as well. Trust me.
“Be Cool” by Lil Silva and Little Dragon
Seasons one and two of FBoy Island
I’ve seen both seasons in their entirety and have even rewatched an episode or two. This is peak reality television. As the saying goes: get in or get left behind, loser.
“Hell No” by The Slaps
This song specifically is for the girls who simultaneously toe the line between indie, crunchy, e-girly, clean, and feral. Mad versatile.
“Mista“ by Wiki & subjxct five
Another one for the ladies who aren’t afraid to get down, though it might be a little out of their comfort zone. Take the leap. Dirtball NYC rap makes you feel good, especially with a beat as infectious as this.
“Talk 2 You” by Shaudy Kash
Detroit rap: it’s not just for boys!
Bronco by Orville Peck
Taaaaaaaaa had to do it, one time for the one time.
“BAD FRUIT*” by Jean Dawson featuring Earl Sweatshirt
Much like Mr. Peck, Jean Dawson is for the girls and the gays. Who am I to make further judgment?
Rap game Rob Dyrdek, except I neither rap nor have his cultural relevance. Regardless, I’m out here compiling all of the ridiculous rap lines of 2022 because these rappers say the darndest things. When your job is to speak for two or three minutes without rest, you’re bound to say some wild shit, intentional or not. That’s just the way it is. This list is not an admonishment of these poets. Their ridiculous lines and all those left unmentioned deserve to be celebrated.
CEO Trayle on “Unusual” from HH5: “She wanna kick it with me like a goalie / I eat that pussy until she nut in my gold teeth”
Until she nuts where??? Hats off to you, Trayle. It sounds like you’re putting in some serious work in the trenches. You’re a good man.
P.S. TRAYLE’S HH5 IS THE BEST RAP ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Ken Carson on “Stunt” from Homixide Lifestyle by Homixide Gang: “Treat that boy like a pair of paints, he gon’ get hit with this iron / He was trippin’ ‘bout that bitch, put my dick in her spine”
Stunningly repugnant, Ken, but it was nothing short of Herculean to rhyme “iron” with “spine.”
Veeze on “Spending Spree” from FACE (Deluxe Edition) by Babyface Ray: “I got hitters like racoons, you least expect it, they gon’ be on your street”
Jumbled flow be damned, Veeze always paints beautiful, vivid pictures with his words—this line is no different.
Sahbabii on “Telekinesis” from LeakOut: “Party in that mouth, I’m having a festival / She caught an Adam’s apple when she swallowed the genitals” OR
Sahbabii on “One and Done”, also from LeakOut: “Put an opp on a plate, we havin’ fuckin’ lunch / His bitch ate me to the bone, I heard the fuckin’ crunch”
Ew! Both truly impressive physical feats!
RXK Nephew on “Slow Down, I’ma Jump Out the Car“ from First Week Out (Deluxe) by Rx Papi: “What the hell you want? Some Suboxone? / We got percs, we ain’t TikTokin’”
I can barely wrap my mind around what any of this means or how all of it is related, but I think it’s cool as hell. And crazy. And it’s not even Neph’s most absurd line! Should’ve made this list entirely out of RXK Nephew bars…
WB Nutty on “Heavyweight” from City of Addiction: “Come get a bird wrapped up, I got deals on chicken shawarma”
Drakeo the Ruler on “Slip ‘& Fall” from his posthumous release Keep the Truth Alive: “This nina got a dick on it and she ready for the backlash / Watch how you talk to me, *****, ‘cause it’s that normal”
Nobody could make dumbass, over-the-top (and progressive??) bars like this sound as cold as Drakeo did, and nobody ever will. Long live the Ruler.
21 Savage on “Umbrella” from Heroes & Villains by Metro Boomin: “Clutchin’ glizzies with the fellas / Choppa sing like it’s Adele”
This is normal-person funny, but I still fuck with the image of 21 and the guys about to spin the block while toting a couple of massive hotdogs as melee weapons. Wholesome.
Ralfy the Plug on “Slime Me Up” from Pastor Ralfy 2 (Deluxe): “I’m nothing like you, all my bitches buy me stuff / I need a freak bitch to go crazy and slime me up”
Wow. If I didn’t know what he meant, I’d be scratching my head. More head-scratching, though, is E-40’s verse on this song…”Unconnected not disconnected, I’m in the loop like a hula hoop.” How does that make any sense??
Detroit Rap Shit
Hands down, Detroit has the most fertile rap scene, and 2022 was a big year for everyone involved, from rappers and producers to national festival bookers and Instagram promoters (but mostly the rappers and producers). It seems like a new rapper with immense potential rears his head every day and drops some impeccable shit. I’m looking forward to even more of it in 2023.
The Arrival of Babyface Ray
Babyface Ray has always been one of the brightest stars coming out of the Detroit rap galaxy, but he just couldn’t break out. Well, with the release of FACE and MOB and an appearance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Ray has finally done it, and he did it all on his terms, making the exact music he wanted to make and moving in a way that only he can. Everybody’s proud.
When this had like 100 views on Youtube, I remember sitting there and listening, thinking to myself, “This is the most gut-wrenching song I’ve ever heard.” It has a lot more view now, but its impact remains. I’m glad Gue Wop was brave enough to record it.
Scorpion Eyes by Bandgang Lonnie Bands
Bandgang Lonnie Bands has been to hell and back, and he uses Scorpion Eyes to tell his tale, with all of its Stygian imperfections.
“Do More” by DaeMoney & TREES
Big Bank Shaudy Motha-fuckin’ Kash
In 2022, Shaudy Kash dropped five sensational tapes, each one different from the last. Ghetto Heartthrob brought the slow, sultry RnB interpolations. On the Yeah Side and its sequel married Kash’s sedated drawl with Top$ide’s iconic drumline production. Game Time picked up the pace, and Young CBFW combined the best of it all. In other words, we are watching the birth of a star!
Who cares if the biggest Detroit song of the year is a TikTok song? It rules! “2 Million Up” proves that Team Eastside will never be stopped. They really invented this wave, and Peezy proves that with ease.
Who the hell is Carlo?
Carlo Anthony (out of Grand Rapids) is the best producer in the Detroit scene right now, and in 2022, he (and the entirety of his Crackhouse Cartel collective) went crazy. He single-handedly proves just how versatile the Detroit sound can be, sliding from dark and thunderous to ethereal and cloudy with ease. Peep the tracks below for proof.
“Overtime” by Babyface Ray featuring Yung Lean (Co-produced with Gud)
“K’s Around Me” by Tony Shhnow (Co-produced with plugg producer SenseiATL)
“Finessin’” by Tony Shhnow
“Hercules” by Shawny Binladen (Co-produced with ZT)
“Cullinan” by Louie Ray and YN Jay (Co-produced with Wayne616 and BlueStrip)
“Wulf Pesci” by Xavier Wulf
“Blow Money” by Wrld Tour Mafia (Co-produced with Spencer)
“Cps” by Bbyafrika (Co-produced with LeviOG)
Summer Camp Vol. 1 by TRL
I love the thought of these dudes jumping in and out of a closet-turned-recording booth to make this tape. I don’t think that’s actually what happened, but that's the vibe. The guys are hongry.
“Fool to Cry” by WTM Milt
Weirdest song of 2022. Do not miss out.
From the Minds of the Homies
All the homies are stupendous! Here’s what a few of them have been on this year.
The inaugural line by bytomfoolery
Knitwear galore! Support the homies.
The rise of Wayne Glenski
Fuck Sana—Support LegendsVault
Warren Lotas/Sana vibes, but the shirts are high-quality, tasteful, college sports-themed, and designed by enterprising men who care? Count me in. Support the homies.
Not much is worse than getting your hopes up and being let down. It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again. It might even be happening right now if you’re not rocking with THE NO OLDTIMERS 2022 ROUND-UP. If that’s the case, rot in hell! Anyway, disappointment struck quite a few times in 2022, but none worse than below.
2000 by Joey Badass
His first album in five years? Joey was never going to live up to the hype, but it doesn’t help that 2000 simply isn’t very good. Here’s to better luck in 2027.
Melt My Eyez See Your Future by Denzel Curry
My disappointment for this album has been made known in Edition V: How to Keep It Copacetic. If I speak too long, I’ll probably break down and cry. (Shout out Axl Rose—nuff inspiration, nuff respect.)
Winning Time: The Rise of the Lakers Dynasty
Not terrible, but this one should’ve been much, much better.
The tragedy that is the current state of YSL
Thug, as much as I loathe him, and the supporting cast of YSL are unfortunately locked up. Gunna is dubiously free. Lil Keed is gone. It’s been a tough year for the labelmates. Thank god CEO Trayle is doing his thing. Let’s hope that the others eventually, miraculously bounce back.
The Domination of Fashion Mediocrity
Old people are an inspiration to dressers all over, and it is largely because they don’t give a fuck. But when a bunch of thirty- and forty-somethings who care too much latch onto old man swag in a desperate attempt to stay hip, it’s wack as hell. In 2022, brands like Aime Leon Dore, Kith, Noah, Todd Snyder, and many, many others swagger-jacked old man style and pedaled it to the millennial and Gen X masses. It sucks. More to come…👀
This came out at the end of 2021, but whatever. I thought about it a lot in 2022, and that’s what matters. It sucked. PTA missed. Bad. Zero redeeming qualities.
HBO Max’s My Mom, Your Dad
Terrible, uncomfortable reality television. The premise—children meddling in the love lives of their parents—is great. The execution? Horrendous. Do NOT watch.
The Oversaturation and Lame-ification of Babytron
No further comment.
The Try Guys Cheating Scandal
It’s disappointing that we heard about them at all in 2022, but this scandal certainly was toothsome.
Best of the Rest
There is simply too much good shit to keep making these lists! Here’s a compilation of everything unclassifiable from 2022. There are no explanations for this section… best to just dig in and see if you can find something you like!
The genius decision to feature Yung Lean on Babyface Ray’s “Overtime” (otherwise referred to as THE song of the year)
If it weren’t for the aforementioned “Overtime,” Floating Point’s “Problems” would be the song of the year.
The oddball sincerity of weirdo metal opus Black Fellflower Stream by Sunrise Patriot Motion
Rx Papi’s electric “On the Radar” freestyle
Hitech by Hi-Tech–Detroit is firing on all cylinders!
Doonie Tunes by CoffeeBlack and Ziggy Waters–Detroit is firing on all cylinders, again!
Whatever “Holding” and “Sky Above” by WEBB are…
The delirious angst of “Acid” by MSPAINT
A Light for Attracting Attention by The Smile (Radiohead with bouncy panache??)
The barmy country-rap of iHeartRalfy by Ralfy the Plug
The Gore-tex line from High Vis’s “Trauma Bonds”
Yung Lean is the Swedish Earl Sweatshirt on “Lazy Summer Day” b/w “Chinese Restaurant”
“B$G Intro” by Baby Stone Gorillas—the year’s best intro track? Most def.
The off-kilter wonderland of Alex Cameron’s “K Hole”
The truly impressive output of Tony Shhnow—all of it
Disrespectful by Bad Boy Chiller Crew. Too much fun!
What the hell is happening on Subaru Boys: FINAL HEAVEN by Cruel Santino?
The benadryl-soaked folk of “Friendship Is Frequency” by @
High Flying Man by The Berries (minus the bizarre Palestine line)
The very grown Ryusuke Hamaguchi’s Drive My Car
The impeccable “Somewhere Near Marseilles” by Hikaru Utada & Floating Points
Dream Unending’s devastating and astral Song of Salvation
Each of the hypnagogic hip-hop dreamscapes cultivated by Eyedress on Full Time Lover
Skinty Fia by Fontaines DC (good.)
The languid wonder of (watch my moves) by Kurt Vile
⬇️⬇️⬇️ Talk your shit! ⬇️⬇️⬇️