How To Keep It Copacetic
Maintaining a Buck
It’s clogs or it’s nothing. That’s right—I’m clogs only from here on out! In fact, I’m never wearing shoes with heels on them ever again. I know what you’re thinking. You are just chasing a trend. You are only saying that because clogs and mules are in right now. Your feet are going to hurt. Huh??? Grow up. With shoes, you need to pick and choose for comfort and utility. Some situations call for a boot, some situations call for a sneaker, some call for a dress shoe. It’s a pain in the ass! And at what cost? With clogs, you can do damn near anything. They’re comfy, they can be dressed up or dressed down, and you can wear them in any weather. They’re the perfect footwear.
At its core, a hot take (as internet heads use it) is a stupid opinion. I love wearing my various pairs of clogs, but am I going to replace my shoes with them? Hell no. That would be a doofy move. I love being a contrarian, but this take simply makes no sense. In fact, no hot take ever makes sense. A true hot take would be so well-considered and fully formed that it wouldn’t seem “hot”; it would just be truth. Sometimes, inner musings are supposed to remain just that: thoughts plunking around your thick skull. Once your “hot take” has been thoroughly cooked in your brain oven, let it rest until the juices are fully locked in, then hit me with it and we’ll see where it goes.
What’s worse, is that we also have the shit take: the less-than-half-baked little brother of the hot take. Whereas hot takes should never be spoken aloud, shit takes need to be voiced, simply because they need to be shut down swiftly and firmly. Sometimes, people really just say shit for the sake of saying shit. Speak your truth, yeah, but make sure your truth has a bit of oomph! behind it.
Examples of shit takes
Yeah, it doesn’t reinvent the wheel, but it’s still pretty damn good.
Fuck out of here! If you like something, just say you like it; you don’t have to qualify shit. If you think it’s good, then it’s good to you, and that’s that about that. You don’t have to maintain your listening-head sensibilities at every turn; you should just enjoy the things that you enjoy. While we’re at it, keep your Topster with shit like King Crimson, Rubber Soul, Blond, and Late Registration to yourself, too. Have some self-respect.
You need only five hobbies: One to make money, one to keep you in shape, one to stay creative, one to build knowledge, and one to grow your mindset.
Really, anything from those rise-and-grind Instagram pages that worship Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, and (curiously) Idris Elba deserves to be placed here, but this is the most deliriously stupid. The type of takes that list the things that one needs to be doing are dime a dozen, but I will take this opportunity to provide a few of such shit takes that are present in the music world:
Pusha T, Ye, and A$AP Rocky’s MPA attitude: the only things you need are money, pussy, and alcohol. Fair, I suppose. But could it all really be so simple?
Travis Scott’s like-minded three-step SDP regiment: to truly enjoy life, you need to smoke some, drink some, and pop one. Shockingly easy, but I guess I can’t really argue with him.
I’d be remiss not to mention Biggie’s Ten Crack Commandments. These are some serious words to live by right here, so let me put you on game to a couple of my favorites: 5) Never give credit. 8) Never park your stash on your person. 9) If you’re not being arrested, never be seen communicating with the police.
All are crucial lessons for living a good life, at least according to these rappers, and not a single hobby was mentioned. You’re all smart people: use your best judgment and live for yourself!
I just really feel like Fetch the Bolt Cutters had to be the album of 2020. Fiona’s percussive, angry delivery just really made sense for the unprecedented times we were facing, and I dunno, it just really resonated with me for some reason.
You like percussive vocal deliveries? Man, do I have just the thing for you! Hope you like it.
NOTs VI???? You son of a bitch! Game on.
I’m going to make a habit out of this, I swear.
In this Stack:
What will he rap about this time??
The Homie Creation Station is back, and this time, multiple homies are involved!
Wait, What is Almost Dry???
As I said, everyone expects every single artist to reinvent the wheel with every single release, but now we all know that is an absolute shit take. Plenty of the greats spend their careers staying in their lane and their craft: Ever hear of Haruki Murakami? What about Mark Rothko? Motörhead? Wiz Khalifa? I could go on. I enjoy seeing an artist distill their work until it reaches near-purity, so you already know that when Pusha T said, “Walk it down like Brady, gets better with time / Didn’t have to reinvent the wheel, just a better design,” on “Dreamin Of The Past,” a standout track off his new album It’s Almost Dry, I smiled softly to myself.
It’s Almost Dry is Pusha’s fourth solo studio album—his fourteenth release overall—and he’s still exclusively rapping about the tribulations and triumphs that come from selling cocaine. Here at No Oldies, ever young and eternally hip, we normally take fools that stay in their lane without any sign of evolution and put them on a poster, but Pusha T’s schtick is aging like a long-running 401(k). (I am glad that he, unlike some of his peers, has not mentioned anything of the sort in his raps, though. Looking at you, Hov and Nas.) He knows he’s good at rapping about cocaine, but his many years of experience require him to do it in increasingly elaborate and ridiculous ways in order to keep things fresh.
Over the years, in order to describe his lexical prowess and street sensibilities, Pusha has referred to himself as Subwoofer, Mr. Sniffles, King Push, Young Black Socrates, P the Evil Creeper, Cocaine Cassel, Tony Montana with better grammar, the Wrath of Caine, the Cocaine Cowboy, the Hines Ward of the crime lords, the Kim Jong of the crack song, the L. Ron Hubbard of the cupboard, and the Robb Report of the snort. All very delightful, yes, but more delightful are the ways he manages to back it up with his raps. This time around, he claims to be Jim Perdue (for his ability to flip chickens), cocaine’s Dr. Seuss (for his ability to turn coke phrases), the Scorsese of Street Rap (I need not explain this) and the Night King (for his ability to control the White Walkers, obviously). Hell, this fool even revealed that his son’s middle name is Brixx! Will It’s Almost Dry manage to support these kennings or will it just be more of the usual fare? Let’s check it.
It’s Almost Dry starts out with a blazing run from opener “Brambleton” to the aforementioned “Dreamin Of The Past.” It’s got all the Pusha T hallmarks: outlandish coke bars, absurd flexes, and underbreath tough talk. To start us off is “Brambleton,” which, despite a booming bass line courtesy of Pharrell, is a relatively reserved track, but it aims to serve as an omen for what’s to come. There are plenty of references to selling cocaine and the lavish lifestyle that it has provided him, but that’s not what stands out most about the track. Push’s descriptions of his and his associates’ nocturnal activities and a certain associate’s eventual betrayal are what stand out, especially when he hisses, “It was sad watching dude in Vlad interviews / Really it’s about me, he channeled it through you / Had a million answers, didn’t have a clue / Why Michael kissed Fredo in Godfather II.” T is not playing, and the next two songs drive this point home.
“Let The Smokers Shine The Coupes” and “Dreamin Of The Past” is more of the typical Pusha T fare, but they’re both leveled up in their own ways. The former track, once again produced by Pharrell, is a twisted, slightly menacing affair, highlighted by blown-out bass and a chopped-up vocal sample, with Push doing his thing the only way he knows how: with style. Quotables like “Don’t brag bricks to me / If they ain’t tell ya to bring ya skis” and the previously alluded to “I got em, baby I’m Jim Perdue / Cocaine Dr. Seuss” are strewn throughout, and it’s just an overall good time.
“Dreamin Of The Past” is somehow even more fun as Pusha T spits over a soulful, Ye-produced romp. He calls out the fools who can’t pronounce Lanvin and explains the difference between window stickers and window lickers. It’s classic King Push. However, shortly after Third Eye Blind is given a confusing shoutout, a Ye feature appears out of nowhere and slightly sours the mood. Clearly, he’s still insisting on recording with his iPhone microphone, but it’s cool—with a measly four-ish bars, he still manages to hit Pete Davidson with a thinly-veiled subliminal.
At this point in the album, It’s Almost Dry is still flying high and firing on all cylinders, but it’s about to hit a legacy rapper-sized roadblock. “Neck & Wrist” suddenly halts all the momentum. Yeah, it has a title that sounds like an instant Pusha T classic. Yeah, it has a much talked about JAY-Z feature. Yeah, it was produced by Pharrell. And so was half the album. Big deal. The song is simply not good. Pusha himself throws down some undeniable bars (arguably his best on the album) like, “Wonder where this started from, the facts are frightening / Richard Pryor flames gave birth to pipe dreams, now we here.” That has all the makings of a great Push line, especially when he evokes the name of the troubled comedian to explain his own development, but he does so with an obnoxious flow and inflection that sucks all of the good out of it. JAY-Z’s verse is fire, but only when it’s read on Genius. When heard, it’s like waiting for the fire alarm to turn off—it’s important and it’s ultimately a good thing in everyone’s life, but damn is it grating. Luckily for everyone participating in the album, Pusha T rights his wrongs on the subsequent track. “Just So You Remember” calls out the flexing young rappers who tried to snag the stimmies in 2020 and Pusha flows like crazy over a zooted sample of “Six Day War” by Colonel Bagshot.
“Diet Coke” comes up next, and it displays the Pusha T we all know and love, but maybe that’s not such a good thing anymore. It’s not bad by any means, but compared to the greatness of the first three tracks, it feels like he’s gone a bit stale, almost like he’s on autopilot. I mean, that’s fine, though, because Pusha T at cruising altitude is like most rappers giving it their all, but at this point, it’s going to take a little more effort to elevate his craft.
The run from “Rock N Roll” to “Open Air” is all a blur in this same sense: all are serviceable, but none really stand out. Not much separates each song from the pack, apart from the controversial final collaboration between Ye and Kid Cudi on “Rock N Roll” (somebody please tell Ye that the iPhone mic really, truly is not the best mic that one can use). “Call My Bluff” is fine, if not a bit annoying (and, unless I’m majorly missing something, the “I don’t think they get it!” after the last line of the second verse is not that complex). “Hear Me Clearly” was recycled from the shoddy-to-shitty I Know Nigo! compilation, and “Open Air” is simply more of what we’re used to from Pusha T. And, most middling of all, there’s the questionable Don Toliver-Lil Uzi Vert team up on “Scrape It Off.” In what universe does it make sense for a 44 year-old coke rapper to team up with two pop rappers under the age of 30? Not this one!
However, all of this can almost be ignored, thanks to the final track, “I Pray For You,” featuring Labrinth and none other than Pusha T’s big brother No Malice. A reunion of the brother-brother tandem Clipse to cap it all off—that’s a serious closer. This is what all of It’s Almost Dry should have been. Rightfully, Pusha T looks back at the booms and busts of his bifurcated career, but it sounds like he’s still got plenty left in the tank, if channeled to the right engine. And though Push brings it in a major way on this track, No Malice still shows him up hard. He’s rapping like this is an early Clipse song, like he’s still got something to prove, and he most definitely does not. Like damn, this is hard: “Vietnam flashbacks, I get triggered by a sniff / Today’s top five only strengthenin’ my myth / Belong on Mt. Rushmore just for chiselin’ a brick.” This is hard, too: “When I was in the mix, opened up your nose like I’m cuttin’ it with Vicks / Slavin’ over stoves like I rub together sticks.” The only way this closer could have been more perfect is if the preceding six songs provided it with a more stable runway. If it were, then it would have been shot straight into the stratosphere.
At the end of the day, It’s Almost Dry gets the job done. It solidifies Pusha T’s legacy even further and it feeds the fans. It is more than sufficient, even with the edgeless back half. Does it perfect the blueprint for coke rap? Naw. To do that, Pusha T would’ve had to turn off auto-pilot and send himself into orbit. Where Push goes from here is unclear, but I certainly won’t blame him if he stays in his lane. Even at his blandest, he’s still better than a lot of rappers’ best, and that sums up It’s Almost Dry nicely. In other words, the wheel rolls just as well as it did before, but it’s not a perfect circle yet.
Future: Rap’s Most Unreliable Narrator
Never trust a villain. They’ll look one direction and then scurry away in the other. MF DOOM, famously/infamously/notoriously, was the original rap villain, sending lookalikes to perform his shows and constantly sounding like he’s plotting to take over the world. (It is an oldhead, rap twitter move to mention MF DOOM in any capacity, but sometimes we have to do the things that we thought we never would.) DOOM knew exactly what he was doing and clearly was not a real rap villain. He was like a plushie version of Freddie Krueger—slightly frightening but incapable of doing anything truly harmful.
Today, we have Future as rap’s main villain. He’s different from DOOM, though. Future presents as unequivocally himself, for better or for worse. He’s not the type of villain that will take over the world and execute harmless fraud. Instead, he’s the type that will tell a woman that he’ll be hers forever, only to be caught with someone else a couple of hours later. That’s Future’s hat and he wears it well. He’s the archetype for the type of dudes who believe that sigma males exist and act as if they swipe through women like they’re the FYP, even though they are physically incapable of approaching them. The only difference is, Future seems to really live it (or so he’ll have us believe).
Future is not to be trusted, but that’s what makes listening to him so much fun. He could say anything, and we as listeners are forced to believe him. He says heinous shit like, “Ya baby mama fuck me better when the rent's due,” so you already know he’s not somebody to look up to, regardless of how awesome he makes it sound. Rappers are supposed to talk a lot—it is their job—but sometimes they say too much (see the above line). Future, of course, falls prey to this, and it’s exacerbated by the fact that he’s a completely unreliable narrator. Whatever—his untrustworthiness just adds to his nefarious mystique.
It’s no surprise that his lies are smeared all over his newest album, I NEVER LIKED YOU (which is all right, potentially a soft good), but I still need to call him out in the form of an unranked, listicle-ish format. It’s hard to keep track of the lies spun by a super villain, but as a quick-witted and keen observer, I am up to the task of revealing the cracks in Future’s reprehensible walls in order to reveal the complex, emotional human within.
Raised by gangsters, prostitutes and pimps / Visit my grandmother in prison on Sunday / Talk in third person, won't admit it if I done it - “KEEP IT BURNIN”
Damn, Future is really trying to show us how far he’s made it, seemingly implying that he’s better than his roots. He then proceeds to talk about multiple times he’s distributed drugs, talking in the first person for each of them. Either he’s truly that brazen, or he’s lying to us.
Check out these lines from “LIKE ME” and see what you make of it all: “You from the truck, got the line on dog food, you just like me…A street n**** would finesse, dog, you just like me / You know how to play around with that Fentanyl, you just like me.”
It's my love from my grandmother make me gentle when I care for you - “LOVE YOU BETTER”
WHAT???
Skinny n****, but my pockets out of shape - “I’M ON ONE”
Blatantly untrue and easily refuted with “NO SECURITY”: “Big barbarian, n****, just check my body weight.” It’s not that Future’s fat by any means, but he just isn’t skinny. His pockets certainly could be out of shape, though. (Also, shout out to Drake for being featured on two different songs titled “I’m On One.” That is a special achievement.)
We turn Miami to Sky-ami / We do this without any shenani' - “MASSAGING ME”
How’re you lifting Miami to Sky-ami without any shenanigans? Something’s not quite adding up here.
I was geekin', I smashed on a catfish - “CHICKENS”
This is not misleading in any way. Many wouldn’t openly admit that they were involved with a catfish and didn’t give up on the pursuit, but Future did. It’s nothing to him. Hell, he seems proud of it. That’s true male empowerment.
How much you paid for that Jumbo Patek? Four twenty-five / (No, that's four-fifty, for real) - “GOLD STACKS”
Yeah, he lied, but at least he came clear after. That deserves to be celebrated in some capacity.
Fucked her in the ass, made her pee pee (Woo) - “I’M DAT N****”
This is misinformation spread in the most despicable way. Plenty of impressionable alphas and sigmas and betas and whoever will hear this and believe it! Deplorable. Maybe Future really is a super villain.
Feeling like a cigarette boat, all this water on me - “HOLY GHOST”
Brother, boats are on water; the water is not on boats. Your chains (water) are on you. I am confused just considering this, but it’s alright—this just shows that we’re all human.
Every time I hit her, I broke her off then dismissed her - “HOLY GHOST”
I believe you, but maybe you don’t believe it yourself.
Exhibit A: You tellin' me you fallin' out of love with me / Hope you can find someone to love you better than I did - “LOVE YOU BETTER”
Exhibit B: Tell me you fallin' out of love, it's breakin' my heart in two - “LOVE YOU BETTER”
Exhibit C: Askin' for your heart, if it's real then it's rare - “BACK TO THE BASICS”
Exhibit D: Early in the mornin', late at night (I will wait for you) / It doesn't even matter what time it is (I will wait for you) - “WAIT FOR U”
Exhibit E (perhaps most damning of all): After we make love, let me cry on your shoulder - “BACK TO THE BASICS”
Like all Future projects, I NEVER LIKED YOU presents a man battling with himself. Is he a reprehensible, female-manipulating cad, or is he a complex individual looking for true love and using the pursuit and eventual dismissal of women as a way to hide that he’s been hurt one too many times? That’s up to you all to decide.
Hip-Hop Hooplah
After coming correct with that King Push review, I got to thinking. I feel like I can barely get myself to talk about rap these days unless it’s about Yëat. That needs to change. Desperately.
It will.
Right now. And I’m turnt up!
Obviously, I haven’t stopped writing about rap music, but it’s been a minute since it has been my main focus. For me, rap was starting to go stale. I’m not growing out of it—I simply got lazy. I stopped hounding the endless forums, Twitter threads, and YouTube holes and started listening to the things I already knew and liked. That got old, fast. Now I’m back! And to celebrate that, I’ve sent Potshots (whatever the fuck the last one was called) to the brig, and will instead be presenting Hip-Hop Hooplah. I hope it tickles your fancy.
To be honest, this feels good. It’s like a true reset, not like the reset that these corny-ass internet fools claim to receive when they touch grass for the first time in a year and a half. Until No Oldtimers, I wrote mostly about rap music, and it’s the reason why I still write. It has helped me cultivate my voice and built my confidence to write about whatever. For that, I owe rap nearly everything.
I love this shit!
Get WeT.Radio by Zelooperz
Zelooperz, never one to stand pat, always messes with his wildstyle from album to album, jumping ship to other subgenres at will. Hell, he can’t even stay in one place on the same album. On last year’s Van Gogh’s Left Ear, Z bounced from tough talk street shit to candy-covered crooning to bluesy bellowing with ease, achieving some truly transcendent results. With that in mind, his next move was sure to be unpredictable. He could’ve gone nearly anywhere, and somehow, he still managed to take his sound in the least expected direction.
GetWeT.Radio is curiously inspired by the RnB of the late ‘90s and early ‘00s, but for good reason. The album is dedicated to his deceased father figure who, in Z’s words, “took the time to raise me and show me everything he knew about music[.] [H]e left a playlist on Spotify called GeT Wet.Radio, so I made a rendition of the vibes I caught from listening to it.” If Z’s rendition is faithful to the source, then that was a hell of a playlist that covered some serious ground.
Get WeT.Radio’s finely curated vibe connects every song while allowing each to maintain a unique sound. “Head 2 The Sky,” a direct tribute to his pops and the aptly-named “SWV” sound like they were plucked straight out of the mid-1990s. “Toxic Energy” is some straight-up 70s-style soul and features Bruiser Brigade newcomer Apropros doing his version of Al Green in 2022. “Skinny Dip” brings a little bit of UK Garage to the table. “Who U Love” closes things on a strong note and provides some heavenly rambling over an ethereal, praise music-ish vocal sample. If anything, the variety of GetWeT.Radio just shows that Zelooperz can do it all, and he can do it all at a high level and with a deft touch. Good.
Melt My Eyez See Your Future by Denzel Curry
And it's happened once again, I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands, and sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone, and I've been here for too long
To face this on my own, well, I guess this is growing up
— Mark Hoppus, “Dammit”
After the first single, “Walkin,” finally dropped, I was so stoked for some new Denzel Curry, but the rest of Melt My Eyez See Your Future is, to put it lightly, lackluster. Zel used to bring so much energy to a track, even when he tried to be subdued, and now he just sounds tired. Not even 454 could save it. My heart is broken. I guess this is growing up. Not good.
Ramona Park Broke My Heart by Vince Staples
How old is this dude Vince? It feels like he’s been in the scene for like fifteen years, and he’s still going in like this?? With 2021’s self-titled release and now Ramona Park Broke My Heart, Vince Staples has more than made up for the misgivings of his 2019 singles. Good.
“Running Round” by Mercury
Well well well, what do we have here? I don’t know where Mercury is from, but it really doesn’t matter; she brings it on this track. The jungle-inspired beat goes absolutely insane and, somehow, Mercury manages to catch it perfectly. Good.
“Beat the Odds” by G Malio featuring Los (produced by Wayne Glenski)
Wayne Glenski won’t stop until he can provide every up-and-coming rapper from the Midwest with a fine sampling of Detroit production, and he has provided yet again for Columbus, Ohio’s G Malio. I need not say more. Good. (When are we getting a true Los collab though???)
“Expired Pint” by Big Yaya
I am tired. These New York drillers need to learn to let a trend die. Sample drill is being kept alive by two very large demographics: high schoolers who don’t even realize that they are listening to samples of pop songs (or even samples from pop songs), and by millennials who remember when those pop samples had the world in a stranglehold. I don’t care if Yaya raps his ass off! I just never want to hear a sample this blatant ever again. Shit is lazy. For some reason, we are waiting patiently for sample drill’s demise, even though we all know it’s time for it to go. Not good.
“Skittles + Gatorland” by 454
I think I’ve made my fandom of 454 clear at this point, but this song (these songs?) deserves to be recognized. What’s more, this man just performed at Coachella (at the Heineken House, but still)! He deserves all the hype in the world. Not his most groundbreaking song, but good.
“911 Freestyle” by Teller Bank$
From what I can discern, this guy Teller Bank$ usually brings a bit of a more menacing vibe, but this song is a welcome change of pace. Beat goes crazy, especially that dizzying synth lurking in the background, and Bank$ flows like it’s nothing. Good.
Homie Creation Station
It’s cool to have cool homies, especially when the cool homies make cool shit, and bytomfoolery’s debut collection is definitely cool. It features a beanie, a balaclava, and a sweater, each available in two colors, and all are incredibly fire. These aren’t your ordinary, run-of-the-mill Instagram Shop-type pieces, though. Each piece is handcrafted and made-to-order, meaning that whatever you buy will be a one-of-one work of art. And if that doesn’t quite do it for you, each piece was crafted out of wool made from recycled fibers. This is some shit that will make you not only look good, and they are made to last, which make you feel good, too. In fact, you can do anything while wearing a piece of knitwear from bytomfoolery (except litter)! Peep the site (shoutout MitchHub for the site and our very own EvanVO for the logo!) and hit the boy up at @bytomfoolery on Instagram. Now direct your attention below and let me put you on game once more.
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LFG!!